The Tilt Of A Head
This basement has become a second home for me. This is the second time I’ve found myself comfortable enough to sit in silence and write one of these. At this second, Jake is wrapped in a blue checkered blanket, and is watching a countdown on VH1—I doubt it’s music related. I think the weather has put everyone in a bad mood lately, myself included. I used to be in love with Autumn; but, now I see it as a hint toward misery. Right now, I am down. I am holding a lot in, and finding it hard to vent. My eyes are dry, and I will continue to let them collect dust until they are too dry to keep open. Colds keep coming in and out of battle with my immune system, but at least I can say that I’m stress free. A relief of stress doesn’t justify the sinking feeling I have from my heart, down to my stomach. Yes, that dropping heart feeling that I like to call, “down.” To calm the falling of my heart, I listen to Dan Andriano’s newest project away from his home in Alkaline Trio, The Emergency Room. It is soothing, yet depressing. Not helping my mental state, but temporally numbing my mind, while I find the courage to let a tear out over you. I let tears out very subtle. I let them out one by one with the tilt of a head. I let them out because of self disappointments; but, my biggest self disappointment isn’t from Me, it is from You. It is from the other half of me that is turning to a fourth, and before I know it, an eighth of me. It is leaving me empty, and creating an unforgivable landing place for my heart. It is hard seeing two sides of you. It is even harder seeing fifty sides of you. I wish I could see the one side of you that has been misplaced. It is either moving a mountian on the other side, or it is climbing that mountian in search of me. Regardless, it is lost. I am lost. But most of all, we are lost. Until we are once again found, I will continue to tilt my head, and think of you until my eyes are dry enough to fall asleep.
